A Love Never Meant To Be
by tophis1
Summary: Raoul has confronted Erik about his feelings, but does Erik feel the same? At least a RaoulxErik friendship, if nothing more and a bit of awkward fluff


"Unacceptable."

Raoul inhaled sharply, despite the fact that he'd been holding his breath and his lungs couldn't hold much more. His head was swimming with different thoughts, but he couldn't even begin to concentrate on any of them. The only clear thing running through his mind was

_what?_

"Un...unaccept..." Raoul gaped at the masked man, trying to grab hold of his wits. "What?"

"Raoul, I am not homosexual."

"But...I-i thought..." He blinked rapidly to avoid spilling any tears.

Erik took a step forward. "Raoul." The vicomte tried taking a step back, but Erik grabbed hold of his wrists before he could run off. "Please try to understand."

"Understand that you've been leading me on like a fool." Raoul bowed his head. "Let go."

He shook his head irritatedly. "Don't jump to conclusions so easily, boy."

"Don't call me boy!" Raoul yelled, making Erik cringe. He stood, staring into Eriks eyes to find a hint of deceit. "Let go!"

"No." Erik growled and tightened his grip. "Listen to me, Raoul." He nearly shivered at the sound of the boys name. He hated saying it, which was why he never did. "I had no intention of making you feel this way and I am _greatly_ sorry for it."

For a moment, it seemed to just sink in, then Raoul went slack against his hold as he wilted. He refused to meet his gaze. He felt quite foolish and hurt. He'd never felt this way, not even when he'd seen Don Juan Triumphant and felt a deep cut in his heart at the sight of Christine flinging herself over Erik, falling under his spell and forgetting all about him and their plan.

Erik nearly groaned in frustration. "Stop that!" He shook the smaller mans shoulders. "You take everything I say in such a twisted way, its no wonder you fell in love with me." He said it in such distaste that it caused Raoul to flinch visibly, making Erik wish he could comfort him without him taking it the wrong way. Before he could think better of it, he reached up and brushed a strand of hair from Raouls eyes. "I meant that I... I wouldn't intentionally cause you such..hurt." He let out a soft, low chuckle, leaning closer to Raouls bowed head. "Trust me, I know what its like. I wouldn't have wished it on my worste enemy." His head made contact with Raouls hair as he sighed into the soft golden locks. "I wouldn't have wished it on _you_."

"Then why are you doing this?"

"My initial reasoning was to assure Christine that I wouldn't harm you. But now it's clear that I have been a little too... open."

"But.." Raoul shifted through his memories, looking for what he'd seen before, but all he could find were simple moments when he'd been with Erik. Now, he could see that it had been him wanting attention, since Christine was spending all her time with Erik. It made him feel alone and unwanted. Then Erik had started inviting him to box 5 for the shows and being nice to him. At the time, Raoul saw it as a good sign; that someone wanted to be near him. But now he could see that it was to assure Christine that he wouldn't kill him.

"I don't hate you." Erik said, to pull Raoul out of whatever depressing thoughts he was drowning in. "I just want us to be allies."

For a second, Raoul thought over his options, then decided to trust him. "So... we shall...continue to be friends?"

"Most definitely. But be warned." Erik let him go finally and took a step back. "I haven't the slightest idea what friends do."

Raoul shakily laughed, wiping away any stray tears that had managed to slip. "Neither do I." He sniffed. "I spent a great deal of my childhood, alone, in the navy."

Erik almost smiled, glad that Raoul was neither proclaiming his love or crying. "Then we shall learn _together_." He stuck out his hand awkwardly. Raoul stared at it, then happily accepted, shaking his hand firmly.

"Deal."

After yet another uncomfortable silence, Erik cleared his throat and straightened his cloak. "Well, I suppose we should go back upstairs. The managers will wonder where you've gone."

"Oh." Raoul averted his gaze. "Right."

As he followed the man through the twisted hallways that would eventually lead them to the opera house, Raoul felt a sigh of relief. He was glad Erik didn't accept his love. He had felt great guilt towards Christine, because he would always love her and didn't want to leave her. And being the phantoms friend was something he could definitely live with.

Suddenly he was horribly aware that his face must be red and stained by his tears. How was he going to explain that to anyone?


End file.
